btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
