Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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