How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
