I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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