Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
