Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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