if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize