i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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