I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if only i could text you this smell
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
