so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
