Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
50% drunk capacity currently
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
