the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
