OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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