i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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