apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she told me i tasted like america
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
