In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
