i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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