Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
