Duck Duck Cougar?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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