the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
