you guys were way drunker than both of me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
