Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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