I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
