I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
