On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
