Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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