Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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