Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
