I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
