Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
