So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize