I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
