How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
