dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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