I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
