Four minutes until I can fart!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
