i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Randomize
