you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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