You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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