Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
as a side note pls kill me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
