Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
