Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize