There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
