In the future we'll all be gay
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize