I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
