Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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