I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
