addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
