I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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