I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize