Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got inside last night via doggy door
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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