my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
