nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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