Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
