he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
