the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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