My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize