I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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