Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
