babies were throwing up all over the place
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
