I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
