They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize