So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wish you could order shots online.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
