tequila makes me forget i have legs
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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