i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
