i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
