My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
