I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
