when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
