Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
