omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
