chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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