She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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