I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
