did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
