ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Randomize
