if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
