I didn't shave. On purpose
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
