I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
