We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
