I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think people are normalizing furries
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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