watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize