don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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