I won't be sarcastic... just naked
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
