loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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