You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
