Sry I called you an 8
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
