Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize