Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
