You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
