I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Never underestimate the power of titties
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize