dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Found the puke drawer
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
