Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
