I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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