I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
