Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
