That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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