what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
