I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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