I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
